I was part of the toxic workplace problem

Written By Anna Reeve

When I look back on my career, I can see so clearly how I was contributing to a toxic work culture. Though I was clueless at the time.

My intention was to be a compassionate, supportive leader and colleague - someone who could be relied upon to give advice when my team were flailing. And to kick ass at my job.

But I was making some massive and meaningful mistakes.

Habits I Thought Were Harmless

I absolutely never intended to be toxic. My habits and coping mechanisms were what I had learned and internalised were the right things to do as a high performer...

  • I felt smug when I was the first to arrive and the last to leave.

  • I quietly competed with my peers and felt stung if they outpaced me.

  • I talked constantly about being “SO BUSY” as if it were a badge of honour.

  • I volunteered for extra work without thinking about what whether it would make an impact (or light me up).

  • I had zero boundaries (but resented others when they always expected more).

  • I got frustrated when people protected their time if it inconvenienced me.

  • I rarely celebrated my wins and quickly raced on to the next goal.

  • I normalised struggle and convinced myself to just suck it up.

  • I looked for help in podcasts and venting convinced I didn't need support.

Small Actions - Big Impact

None of this felt especially harmful. It just felt like… work, leadership, ambition.

Now I realise that these behaviours (and the beliefs behind them) weren’t just burning me out, but were also setting the tone for the people around me.

I was unintentionally role modelling a version of leadership that made it harder for my team to rest, set limits, seek help or show up as their full, human selves.

Even if I encouraged any of that with my words, I totally undermined it with my own behaviour.

It was only when I burnt out (more than once), started my coaching training and began my self-compassion practice that I realised this:

I was sustaining and perpetuating a culture I never would’ve chosen.

Toxic cultures aren’t always created by 'bad bosses'

So, this is what I want leaders and managers to understand:

Toxic workplaces aren’t always built by unsympathetic, profit-driven executives or uncaring, narcissistic managers.

They’re also kept alive by good people stuck in old patterns.

People who care. People who are trying their best. People like me. Maybe people like you.

That’s confronting, but it’s also hopeful. Because it means we’re not powerless.

Change won't always come from the top - but it can come from us

As much as we might want and hope for policies and principles to shift overnight, we also know that's unlikely.

But it can happen when a few brave leaders role model a different way.

A way that values health, builds kindness, recognises humanity.

  • By speaking honestly about our limits instead of pretending we’re fine, so we make it safer for others to do the same.

  • By choosing rest over martyrdom, so we challenge the lie that worth is measured in exhaustion.

  • By acknowledging the need for support, so we give someone else permission to exhale and let their guard down.

That how we can begin to show others what’s possible and build a new way forward for better, kinder work - that still makes impact.

Anna Reeve